Not sure about a lot of things

It has been what seems to be a lifetime since I have typed here and not sure if bringing this page back to life is a good idea or a waste of all of our limited time.  I must admit I have missed talking to you all (those who are left in my following) and hearing back from you as to what is on your hearts and minds. We have shared tons - good, bad, joys and tears and through it all I have been so blessed to have you all in my life.  It has been and still is a bumpy road for the past 4 years and I am still not out of the tunnel but I know I am not alone in this which in some ways makes the journey not so scary. 


I have felt SO lost without my farm and animals that I really have struggled to find a purpose and joy.  I have been greatly disappointed by a few friends who placed me farther behind in my financial life along with my ability to trust.  Learned TONS of lessons from working at the Bates Motel and hopefully helped a few folks on the way.  So this year I have already made some big strides in changing things and promised myself to stop waiting on others to see me, include me in their worlds and be happy for and with me.


Which brings me to the couple of reasons I thought I might breath life into this site and see where it takes me or should I say us.  I have been struggling since leaving the farm to define who I am as an artist. If I do not have my hand raised fiber in my shop we am I?.  I have purchased some fleeces from new breeders and just have not been that thrilled because when I touch the fleece I did not have any connection with it.  I know it sounds strange but it is true - there is something magical about the process of loving on an animal for a year before you get to clip of that lush fiber and then create with it.  Yes, I did in the past purchase fiber that was not one of my animals but each creative offering did have at least a pinch of my sweet fur family.  I am amazed how this has placed my artistic side in a funk - the fiber just does not speak to me like it did before.  Also, not being able to do my dyeing process has kept my colorful mind in gray tones.


With all that being said I have been playing with some new products and also working on redesigning my whole online presence.  No easy task for this techno challenged gal but I am with each step mastering a tiny piece to this whole puzzle.  I get up and do my famous HAPPY DANCE when I am able to execute some small silly "geek" task - may seem silly to most but this is the only way I wont throw my hands in the air and wish to throw the computer across the room.  I know childish but I am honest about it.


So before I go too far down this rabbit hole again I turn to you kind folks and see if there is any interest in reading about my new and less animal filled creative life or should I just go and find a park bench, sit on it and talk to the birds as the fly by?   WOW, that sure did sound pathetic and manipulative but then I guess the writing of blogs is in some way a cry to be seen in a fast paced world that hardly looks up from their screens while also having the desire to create a sense of community with others around the world.  No small task and not sure if in the age of Twitter, Snap Chat and Instagram ( I have an account just not sure how to use it) that blogging is the "THING" to do?  Yes I am also considering doing Vlogging (is that with two g's or one?)


Dipping my toe back in and seeing if the water is warm or ice cold..


What you think??  Be Honest I can take it - I promise I wont turn into a puddle in the corner (Yep, another shameless attempt to get validation)


Hope to hear from those who are left here. 
Signing out to let you think about it.

Enjoying the small things

This is Maribella for those who have not met her yet.  She is an older cat that was not treated very well by her previous owner.  She came to me with three pages long of all the things that was WRONG with her and even the staff at the shelter did not hold out much hope for her to fit into a home.  You know Grace there is always reason's why an animal has come into my life and so I accepted the honor of loving her.

It is a journey and I have tons of patience.  From a scared girl who spent most of her day hidden under my bed of crunched up in a corner - she now greets me when I come home from work with tons of purrrrrrs, leg rubs and even a little bit of play.  This little white mouse was a toy I purchased the day I got her and now some 5 months later she finally attacked it and threw it around the place.  It may not sound like much to those who have playful cats but this is ground shaking behavior for her. 

So together we build trust - which we both have had shattered by unkind people.  We are learning to not take life so seriously and that even we can play a little.  Now if only I could have her 19 hour naps.  Thank you for letting me share this companion with you all - she deserves all the love and light she can get and I am learning so do I...

I have been LOST but still working on being Found

I know it has been ages since posting anything here.  I have not left the planet but still working on redefining my world.  Yes, I am still doing fiber but not in the mass amounts I have done for the past 20 years.  I am trying to figure out where and what I should do since life has thrown me several curve balls.  Like with many of my friends I am dealing with much and mastering very little but still all in all I am standing.


I have a sweet cat name Maribella who is keeping me sane or at least I will not admit to anything less.  I miss so much my dear farm animals but with each passing day I am rebuilding and exploring what makes this gal tick.  I have trusted all the wrong people which has cost me dearly.  I also lost my mother a couple of months ago.  That was a bitter sweet passing because she had been suffering for two years with choices she made that I could not seem to help her with - a life time of me parenting her has come to an end and for that I am blessed.


So dear folks I hope to start up my blog again and share what I can with you all.  I have missed you much and always have you in my heart and prayers.  Love and Light from this Long Lost Gal..

WHAT A DAY - What's in a NAME?

Today was not what I had planned.  BOY OH BOY it was NOT!!!!

One day before my birthday I decided to get the driver's license renewed and a whole host of other little errands along with two apartment viewings.  Got up at 5 am, showered, did my hair (had a great hair day) and got make up on for the dreaded picture.  Had a great breakfast in the hotel and watched the fog roll in.  Ready for the day I left the hotel and we got rained on - Oh Yeah - there goes the hair do...

Driving to the DMV and grabbing my book and paperwork.  I was faced with tons of new technology that was to help I guess but just took longer.  I waited my turn - almost an hour and then it was my turn.  The lady was so friendly and we were chatting away until her face sank.  OH DEAR, she kept saying over and over.  I was now having my heart in the throat - WHAT is OH DEAR???  They are saying my Social Security Number does not belong to me... WHAT THE HECK????

So after trying to figure out why in 33 years, 4 houses, 2 businesses and 2 children I am informed that all this time I am not Grace C Gerber and according to the Social Security Department and every other government agency I am not and have never been Grace C Gerber.  So as I am trying to process all this I am told my little errand has just blown up in my face.....

I am now told to go and get this all fixed if I wish to have a driver's license.  So to the library I went, turned in my books, picked up my new ones and got driving directions to the Social Security Office.  Yep, change of plans big time.  I kept hearing Curt (my late husband) giggling and saying "Remember all that talk about what to change your name to - well GOT YOU"  We did go round and round and finally I just said what the heck "What's in a name?"  Yes, I changed my name and filled out the paperwork right after we got married because we were buying a house and needed all the paperwork correct.

Got to the hotel room, called and canceled all appointments and lucky for me I had the paperwork - Both my and my husbands birth certificate, his death certificate, our marriage licence, proof of my identity the said drivers license..  I almost put them in the storage unit but last week for some reason I talked myself out of it.  Back in the truck and off through all new cone zones of highway work to get to this new office in  HELL...

I was greeted with another tower of technology that a human stood next to and did the whole thing anyway (why can't we go back to tickets - it is faster) which I was given a ticket D76..  What the heck does that mean??  I took a seat and prayed it would not be that long because I was sitting in a very crowded room of folks coughing and look like they where ready to kick the bucket at any moment. Yes, for this gal it is not waiting it is waiting with strangers.  I was having to listen to one guy stories of hiding cheese in a sock taped to his leg in jail.  Another lady was talking about how she was going to sue EVERYONE because her doctor says she is healed and she does not think that is right.  So two more rounds of Rescue Remedy and more prayers.  I finished my book that should tell you how long the wait was - 4 hours and  counting and I really had to pee but there is no way I was doing that here.  Finally D76 was called but that was after letters A, Z, E, B and others which made no logic pattern.  There is no point in even thinking about who came up with this system.

I grabbed my bag, papers, purse and book and raced to the window before they changed their mind.  The lady was so kind but offered no answers as to WHY this has not been caught all these 33 years and What do we need to fix this.  I gave her all the paperwork and she went to typing and typing and typing and typing - then a piece of paper was spit out that said in two weeks I would get a new Social Security Card with my New Name.  I don't know why but when she said my NEW NAME - I almost cried.  I have been Grace C Gerber for 33 years and I felt so much sadness.  I can't even put into words WHY it was just so deep and hurtful.  I thanked her for her assistance and left the building.  I went to my truck and got in and just tried to catch my breath before driving.  I turned on the truck and on the radio was "She's A Brick House" - for those who don't remember that song seems to turn up in my life when I feel my life has hit a wall. Last time was when I was driving back to my farm and not knowing if it was still there or if all my animals were dead.  It also played when I packed the last box and put it in the trailer as I left the farm for good.  It was playing in my head as Conrad and I hit the Highway to head back to Colorado.   I listened and said over and over "Grace you are you"  "Grace you have stood alone for almost all of your life - stand up"  I had to gather myself and head back to the hotel... I turned up the volume and headed out.

I have to wait 24 hours before attempting to get my driver's license which was not what I had planned for my birthday but I guess I really had not planned anything special anyway.  Nick is in the mountains doing a  big race show and Conrad is pulling double shifts along with school work - so this gal was going to be on her own anyway so I guess the DMV is just as good as place as any.

So soon this gal will be  Grace C Gerber - good to know - hope my dear husband is looking down and laughing because I sure wasn't...

Everything in GOOD Time

I never loose sight that when I push and pull the world does not work.  When I allow things to flow and move it seems to with such ease.  Case in point Wednesday was another morning of things not coming together because I was listening and waiting on others.  Finally I just struck out and said to the universe I need it to work...  Here is what happened next.

I still could not believe I was feeling turned around in the city I grew up in so I took three large breathes and turn the radio on and started out in faith that all would work.  Two blocks from the apartment a large work truck ran a red light and almost hit me but because I was so present I just knew not to go on my green light - thank you universe.

I then went to take myself to a well earned breakfast and as I sat down I heard that small voice say Breathe!!!!!!

Once back on the road it was as if the road where lite with extra light - I drove as if I had a special GPS (No I don't have one of those) and I drove without any question.  I went about my errands with perfection.  I was so thrilled.  I still was needing the biggest errand done - HAIR CUT... As I was driving to a place I had been to for years the truck all of a sudden had the temp gauge go wild.  I pulled into a gas station that I knew and the man was so very helpful.  He filled the truck with antifreeze and instructed me to go around the corner to purchase some to have on hand...  As I tried to gather myself and not freak out I took three deep breathes and went around the corner.  As I pulled into the parking lot and turned the truck off I took three more deep breathes - I could hardly do that but I did.  After purchasing the liquid which was on sale.  I went to the truck and placed it in the back seat.  Taking three more breathes I turned around and there was a tiny sign.  "Hair Port".  I giggled and said Thank You.  As I walked to the door and opened it I smiled because there stood a sweet lady with a big smile on her face... I said "You would not by chance have time for a cut and maybe a color?"  She giggled and said "I just had a cancellation so I would LOVE to do this for you"

I had the best time - she talked with me, showed tons of pictures, Debra REALLY listened.  It was Fantastic.... Five inches cut off, a wonderful glaze went on and yes even a few highlights.  I have not done this kind of pampering for may 15 years.  The results were beyond my dreams and I am thrilled.  Thank you Debra.

I got into the truck and thanked the truck for sending me on this path.  I decided now it is time to go back to the apartment.  Again, the streets were light with a guiding light and I made it back without one wrong turn or question...  On the way back loads of memories came flooding back - each turn was a happy blast from the past...

The Universe Does Support Me - even in the silly, small and even at time scary times....  Oh and I LOVE my new hair....... Small Things - it is all GREAT

Today is the Day

Still have not been able to fix the picture posting issue yet but thought I would give you all the heads up that in less then 11 hours I will be getting into a cab and on my way to the train station.  Yep, strange forces made this a bumpy beginning which I will go into later but on the other side the universe had it's reasons and I have to believe it all happens for a reason or should I say for many reasons....

So I am almost all done - waiting till later for my shower, dressing and final closing of the bags. Then I get my cab at 10 pm and get to the station and check in and wait for 4 hours.  Got my books on disk, books to read, movies to watch and my computer (WIFI) last time did not work so I am not counting on it this time but always hopeful.  I even downloaded the instructions to this sill cell phone that I have not master since I came out here but who knows maybe this time.  I learned a ton on the train ride out here and so I know this will be another wonderful journey of self discovery and also self reflection.

I believe that each day we are here on the planet to make a difference and so I stay present to that and know that last time I came into contact with a half dozen folks on the train that I was able to share with - learn from and touch spirit --- this trip I know will have more in store for me then just transporting me from one place to another.

So today I center myself in the KNOWING that I never give up and never surrender... (didn't some super hero say that ?)
Love, Light and Soon to be Sharing a new chapter in my life and hopefully with pictures...

Another in a long line of Techno Crap

I have been wanting to share with you all for some time but for some reason I can not get this stupid blog to download pictures.  I have tried as best as I could with their HELP topics but we all know that if I was clever enough to understand what they are saying I would be so clever as not to even have this issue.  I really get so tired of trying to figure these things out.  I then wonder if it is the universes way of say "Grace nobody really has time for your dribble"  or "If you can't keep up with the nerds then go sit in the corner"  All of this would be fine with me but sometimes I really do get a good snap and wish to share it with others.  Oh Well, this gal is calling it "Toast" for me today and go do something I am good at... Wait what would that be???  Search me so maybe I will just watch another installment of Midsummer Murders and call it good.  Gave it my best shot and all I can say is Computer Elves PLEASE FIT THIS S*&T......