R.I.P Esmeralda

For those who know this gal she is also called "Devil Goat" I hate to share that today was her last day on this planet but will always be in my heart and my cracked ribs.  She never made it easy to love her but I admired that she was who she was - the protector of the goat girls, the leader to all that she lived with, an amazing Mother and a fearless spirit.  I received more bruises, aches and pains and battles with her then all the goat girls and boys together.  She had even bitten me a couple of times when I was not looking.  Many times I told folks I would have her till I died because I would never feel right selling this MEAN nanny to any other person.  She grew the most amazing and soft cashmere down but never made it easy to harvest it but once off that body I could stroke and love it without concern of those horns.  Over the years I came to understand she was me - yep, her and I were so alike that it was no wonder we clashed.  I too want it my way, I am also a protector and take my duties to heart.  I will stand in front of danger and can protect myself without considering the possible danger to me.  I took my duties to my children as the first and most important role I had but did not take guff off of them.

I have many stories of how we clashed but I would rather share what happen just a few days ago.  As I kept going in and out checking and caring for Kasha (the great pry who is fading) she watched me go back and forth and I think she could see how worried I was about my sweet dog.  As I stood in the barn crying big tears as I was trying to get chores done out of no where came Esmeralda came and she licked my hand.  It took me by such surprise I jumped.  When I looked down I could not believe it was her.  She looked at me with kind eyes and a soft face - completely different then what she always gives me.  Since this was so out of character I asked her "Are You Alright?" She turned and walked off as if we were not to talk about her kindness.

Two days later she developed a slight rattle to her lungs but she had experienced that before when the weather changes so quickly as it does on the farm.  She enjoyed sitting and snuggling with Sherlock when he was in the barn.  Yesterday, all the girls sat so close to her as they have done all their lives.  I could tell however it was not out of the strength they would get from her but this time they were giving their strength to her.  Today at 3:30 she passed.  She passed with all of us sitting by her side and just honoring this strong willed soul that has given so much to her children, charges and to me.  I will miss my battles with her, I will long to see that brown body on the top of the hill in the wee hours of the morning.  I will remember each time my ribs hurt that I delivered 3 babies that where trapped inside her and she repaid me by slamming me into the side of the barn.  As I lay there gasping and crying in pain I watched this loving mother lick all three of them in term and then tucked them under her to nurse.  She talked so softly to them and gave those soft eyes to them - I will always remember that she too gave me the soft eye look before she left this planet.

Please say a fond goodbye but NEVER forgotten to my "DEVIL Goat - Esmeralda" 14 years of spit and vinegar