Monday, November 19, 2012

Saturday was not easy

This weekend I started the process of digging the final resting place for my sweet Kasha.  She is my heart and soul, best friend and protector.  Her health has been declining and I need to get this done before the ground freezes.  Saturday, I brought her out to the place that is the resting place for another one of our Great Pry's "Jaws" and began using the pick axe to break the ground.  Kasha rested while I swung away.  The older billies demanded to be with us and so I let them share in the day.  Kasha kept an eye on them as I plugged away at the rock bound ground.  It was very slow going and with my shoulder not what it should be I lasted longer then I thought I could but was reduced to sitting and using a regular hand scoop that I use in my floor pots.  I know, slow but it was the best I could do... With each scoop I was listening to some of the best tunes - Beatles... Wave after Wave of memories. Tears streaming down my cheeks and dropping on the ground that I was trying to scoop away.  Then a smile would come over my face as Kasha would lick my face and give me that award winning smile of hers.  I worked until I could no longer move my arm and called it quites for the day.

Kasha and I walked back to her trailer.  With each step we felt the heaviness of the day but  I promised her I would be back soon after grabbing a tiny bite of something, put on warmer clothes and swallow three more Advil...  Through the night we snuggled and just remained present.  It was hard not to think of our younger days and better health. It is impossible to sleep with her because despite her not feeling well she still works.  Reminds me of me... No matter what I get up and work even when I don't feel like I can put one foot down I just do it... I have never regretted a single day since I started this farm and no matter what life has given me I understand this is where I was meant to be.

There are much more work to be done on this sad project.  Tomorrow I will be digging more, picking out rocks to cover the grave and dig deeper in the memories that have created my life here.  I sure hope the Advil hold out!


Ngo Family Farm said...

Somehow you've managed to describe the most heart-wrenching process with such peacefulness and grace. I don't know what to say except my heart and prayers go out to you. Bless you and your dear Kasha.

Tombstone Livestock said...

So sorry I am not closer to help you with the digging, give Kasha lots of hugs. Take care.

larkspur funny farm said...

Good Morning Ladies - thank you for the kind words, prayers and friendship. Another long night and this gal is spent. I must find the energy to keep working today - I am wishing this land did not believe in growing so many rocks in all the wrong places. It is what it is.

Blessed in Colorado said...

Grace I have been worried about you and wondering where you are as I have not seen you on the forum. I too am dealing with the same thing you are now, it is so hard and when we are alone it makes it so much so.
You are in my heart and thoughts and prayers. Michele is worried about you as well.
Keep in touch my friend and know you are not alone.