Monday, April 4, 2011

The Passing of Sweet Ben


Ben is the dark haired boy in the background. It was very early this morning that sweet Ben passed away in my arms. It has been a strange turn of events that I am still not sure what went wrong.


It started around Tuesday when his mother was not paying attention to him and would let him nurse but not track where he was at all times. His brother Jerry also went off to play with others and not gave his brother a second thought. It was then that I checked him over and could find no reason for the behavior so I just kept a close watch.


Ben was eating, drinking and walking about but not with the spring in his step and excitement of his normal self. So I give extra minerals, a small natural worming dose and some sugar water. By Friday he had not change for the better or worse. His mother "The Devil Goat" is not a loving mother but a good one so she still fed him, slept with him and such. By Saturday she had removed her care.. Not a good sign at all...


Saturday I gave bottles every four hours to him which he drank and was having regular bowel movements but still slow. Since I had been battling my own stomach bug I felt for him... So much fun doing everything with a mask on and rubber gloves but we did not want anyone to get my bug and the other way round. Wynonna was working on living outside with the other goats which she was not happy about but that meant I could check on him every three hours. By Sunday we had snow here and he was beginning to get cold. So in the house he came. He enjoyed the space heater, warm formula and being wrapped in a warm towels with tons of my lap time. This continued through Sunday but with no real improvement. It was early this morning while sitting in my lap on the couch watching another terrible horror movie on the TV that he took his last breath. For hours we had been snuggling, talked softly and gave tons of kisses - it is never easy when you know the end is near but I have been down this road so many times over the 15 years here you would think my heart would not break so when it happens but that is not the case. The showers of tears and mind numbing thoughts still come with the same strength as it did with the first lost lamb. However, now I can say with a clear heart that I did all I could and that his passing was peaceful and full of love.


When I returned to the barn with the 3 am bottle I brought his small body to the barn for his mother and brother to say goodbye. I then allowed the other goats to say their goodbyes and finally Chief licked his head and nosed his body. His eyes met mine with such sadness and we took some time to hug and cry. A loss of such a sweet one is never carried lightly here, not even with their peers. Just then Wynonna came running to the still body and layed on him. She looked at me with such sadness that my heart felt like it stopped. She rubbed her head all over him and then again looked at me. Such kindness and love for such a small boy...


So if you could say a small prayer for our fallen Ben - he is in our hearts, thoughts and memories forever.

8 comments:

Jonni Lynch said...

Oh, Grace. Very few words except to say that he was so lucky. You are so lucky to surround yourself with such love. My heart is absolutely cleft with these words you've written. Poor, wee, boy. Poor, dear, Grace.

Jane said...

I am so sorry for your loss. And if you are the type of person who did NOT get choked up every time an animals passes, then you would not be the type of person who takes such wonderful care of each individual soul (even the loud surprise roo's). I am glad to hear Wynonna is finally out of the house and on to becoming a real goat. And Olivia is hanging in, so that is wonderful. I hope you feel better real soon.

Brooke Dilling said...

Oh, that really stinks. So sorry to hear that he didn't make it. I'll call you tonight... hope you are holding up ok.

Love you

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry Grace...It never gets any easier as each life is a precious gift. Rest in peace little one...

Nancy R. said...

Grace, I'm sorry to hear about the loss, animal or people, doesn't matter if we loved them, it's a difficult loss. Hope you begin feeling better real soon. Glad to hear Wynonna is doing better.
Blessings.

larkspur funny farm said...

Thank you so much ladies for your kind words, your prayers and most of all for letting me share my sadness with folks who would understand. Your words keep me going and your prayers lift me up.

You are my angels here on earth.
Hugs

monica said...

Grace, I am so VERY SORRY to hear about Ben! I really don't know how you do it! You are such a source of strength to me! The one fear I have in having animals is to go through losing one! I know that you did all you could and I pray that the Lord will comfort you during this very sad time!

Hugs,Monica

larkspur funny farm said...

Your strength and kindness has made times like this workable and I do have to say that all the love and joy I get from them carries me thru the hard times. I will not sugar coat it - any loss is hard but this one came out of left field...

I take comfort in also having such great friends even thou you are far away... you are close in my heart