The Passing of Sweet Ben

Ben is the dark haired boy in the background. It was very early this morning that sweet Ben passed away in my arms. It has been a strange turn of events that I am still not sure what went wrong.

It started around Tuesday when his mother was not paying attention to him and would let him nurse but not track where he was at all times. His brother Jerry also went off to play with others and not gave his brother a second thought. It was then that I checked him over and could find no reason for the behavior so I just kept a close watch.

Ben was eating, drinking and walking about but not with the spring in his step and excitement of his normal self. So I give extra minerals, a small natural worming dose and some sugar water. By Friday he had not change for the better or worse. His mother "The Devil Goat" is not a loving mother but a good one so she still fed him, slept with him and such. By Saturday she had removed her care.. Not a good sign at all...

Saturday I gave bottles every four hours to him which he drank and was having regular bowel movements but still slow. Since I had been battling my own stomach bug I felt for him... So much fun doing everything with a mask on and rubber gloves but we did not want anyone to get my bug and the other way round. Wynonna was working on living outside with the other goats which she was not happy about but that meant I could check on him every three hours. By Sunday we had snow here and he was beginning to get cold. So in the house he came. He enjoyed the space heater, warm formula and being wrapped in a warm towels with tons of my lap time. This continued through Sunday but with no real improvement. It was early this morning while sitting in my lap on the couch watching another terrible horror movie on the TV that he took his last breath. For hours we had been snuggling, talked softly and gave tons of kisses - it is never easy when you know the end is near but I have been down this road so many times over the 15 years here you would think my heart would not break so when it happens but that is not the case. The showers of tears and mind numbing thoughts still come with the same strength as it did with the first lost lamb. However, now I can say with a clear heart that I did all I could and that his passing was peaceful and full of love.

When I returned to the barn with the 3 am bottle I brought his small body to the barn for his mother and brother to say goodbye. I then allowed the other goats to say their goodbyes and finally Chief licked his head and nosed his body. His eyes met mine with such sadness and we took some time to hug and cry. A loss of such a sweet one is never carried lightly here, not even with their peers. Just then Wynonna came running to the still body and layed on him. She looked at me with such sadness that my heart felt like it stopped. She rubbed her head all over him and then again looked at me. Such kindness and love for such a small boy...

So if you could say a small prayer for our fallen Ben - he is in our hearts, thoughts and memories forever.