Tuesday, August 13, 2013

FEAR Shows Up Again

We all seem to be dealing with or hearing from others that "I can not seem to get out of FEAR" or "Why am I stuck with this event, habit, person or fill in the blank when I know better" and "I have come too far to be back to the beginning".  Sound familiar?

I was struggling today to just get my butt in gear and get the tasks awaiting me started.  As usual when this gal can't function she cleans. Yep, after feeding chores I went to raking the pile of Llama Girl Pellets that they so kindly place in the barn and which is not where I would like them but heck it give Grace cleaning time.  While I went to work raking and listening to a CD of "Excuses Be Gone" from Dr Wayne Dyer - I went to that bliss state and all was well.  My mind was present and without the whirling worries.

As I was raking the pellets out the door and the sun was bright and all of a sudden I felt the ground start to rumble under my feet and in a blink of my eyes I had every animals running full force at me.  I pulled the ear plugs out and there in the distant sky was coming our way three huge planes.  Before I could even catch a breath I had frightened souls running upon me and the noise of the planes becoming a vibration within my body.  They flew so low you could see the men in the cock pit and even a dent that was in the metal along the side of the second plane.  In those minutes I had five goats trying to climb up my legs, my large guardian dog was pushing his body through the crowd to reach my arms.  Even the Llama Girls ran to me and encircled the group with worry in the eyes as they spoke of their fear.  I was shouting "WE ARE SAFE, WE ARE SAFE, MOMMY IS HERE" but who was I kidding - I too had panic within.  My peaceful mind freaked and I heard it say "MY GOD PLEASE NOT AGAIN"

As the plane passed by and the sounds still was trembling the ground and my inner cells I saw the fear and panic within those eyes looking up at me and around me.  As I grabbed each and everyone one of the dear ones quaking around me I again said to the universe "Why must you keep us in FEAR"  For all the years we have lived here we have had huge planes fly over head and the animals most times did not even look up - they knew that the planes were not to hurt them and that it was just a passing event.  Now, their fear of what the planes mean and that I was not there during some of the fire has set up a fear response within them that is now within their cell memory.

I looked around the farm and there was every animal trying to find a way to get to me or be in a group trying to calm each other down.  After I got those around me reassured I went to each group and repeated the words - "Mommy is here and we are safe"  As I kept saying this I heard a voice within saying back "Who are you KIDDING - You don't feel safe"

After taking the time to touch and confirm to each animal that they are safe I walked back to the raking task.  As I started the process again which is my own way of muffling the panic and fear within my own internal chatter I stopped and yelled, "YES UNIVERSE I SEE MY LACK OF TRUST" - SHOW ME A WAY OUT" 

Here is my question to those who read my blog - What is your Fear that you are struggling with and how are you going about breaking it?  For now I have taken a powder room break, typed this entry and drank a glass of water so it back outside to clean and hope for answers.  I hope to hear back from you readers or am I just typing to the blank universe of  computer space?

1 comment:

Sheri said...

I am trying to just go into the fear when it happens. The normal response is to walk away from the fear sensation and that wasn't working so I've decided that when I feel it, instead of pushing it away, I am allowing myself to go into it and feel it. I am slowly processing it as just another emotion and not one that has to create a kind of panic or terror reaction. Unless one's physical body is in jeopordy, I am beginning to believe a lot of it is genetic memory or seed fears that we put in place to keep us from repeating past dangers that no longer apply. To keep us out of physical harm is built in instinct the other? I like the statement that fear is "False Energy Appearing Real" and perhaps the last vestiges of ego trying to remain in the control seat. I am working on it every day as we have discussed many times....I do hear you and I am listening with more than just my ears. I get the border Patrol helicopters but they haven't been too active lately but it feels like a war zone some days what with them going over and my neighbors shooting all the time.